OPENS OCTOBER 15, 1999

The characters in Rob Reiner's new dramedy The Story of Us yell. A lot. So much so that they frequently turn red in the face. So much so that the proper title for the film might be The Story of Us… Yelling. In fact, if you are thinking of getting married or are already happily past your "I Do's", this film may convince you that marriage is a curse to avoid or to end at all costs.

One would think that in the hands of director Reiner, who is in his element with this sort of intimate material, something truly wonderful could have been accomplished. Sadly, The Story of Us is just a thinly-veiled reworking of the When Harry Met Sally mold: Start with a man and woman having relationship troubles, season with clever friends, add amusing/illuminating cut-aways where the characters talk directly to the camera about marriage and toss in a hip name musician singing (here it's Eric Clapton, then it was Harry Connick). Well, the formula worked once, but not again, and the lack of insight in this movie is frightening.

The premise has the sort of noble simplicity that you could see having potential. Katie and Ben Jordan (Michelle Pfeiffer and Bruce Willis) have been married fifteen years. They have two kids, good jobs and a "perfect" life. The trouble is they aren't sure if they love each other any more. As Katie sums it up in one of her straight-to-camera confessions, "Maybe there's another version of my life that's a happier one." Well, hell, I hope so. Anything would be better than the mess this couple is in. Check that. Anything would be better than spending two hours with this couple.

Now, Pfeiffer and Willis do their damnedest to breathe soul into these characters, but Katie and Ben are both insensitive pains-in-the-ass. Where Ben is a sometimes clueless oaf, Katie is a shrill little girl. It's no wonder they have problems. After the third or forth series of bitch sessions and long, moody silences, I found myself thinking: make up or don't make up, just stop whining. The bottom line is we don't really like these people, so the stakes of them getting back together aren't very important.

Blame rests firmly in the hands of writers Alan Zweibel and Jessie Nelson, who have turned marriage into a playground for all sorts of emotional gymnastics, none of them revelatory in the least. Indeed, the characters in this film spout such prosaic dialogue that you're left with nothing to take away from the film at all. Here's an example, courtesy of Ben's pal Stan (Reiner): "Lust fades, so you'd better damn well be with someone who you can put up with." Catchy advice, huh? The entire movie is like this, mired in a combination of Ann Landers-esque wisdom and aren't-we-clever sound bites, most of which are spouted gleefully by Ben's pals Stan and Dave (Paul Reiser) or Katie's friends Rachel (Rita Wilson) and Liza (Julie Hagerty).

When everyone isn't being clever or yelling at one another or talking to the camera -- that's three-quarters of the film -- the story is filled with ponderous personal moments where Ben and Katie each reminisce in annoying montage-like flashbacks about their pasts. Did anyone else notice that these bits are taken straight from the trailer? Perhaps the worst example of how the film has gotten away from itself is the embarrassingly kitschy scene of Katie and Ben in bed discussing their problems. Suddenly, Ben's folks (Red Skelton and Betty White) and Katie's parents (Jayne Meadows/Tom Poston) magically appear on either side of the bed and start arguing about what makes a marriage work. Truly a scene that is painful to watch. The one respite -- for us as well as the characters -- is the Venice, Italy holiday sequence. At least we get some pretty scenery before it's back to the grindstone.

The Story of Us is a disappointment on almost every level. Despite valiant attempts by all the actors, the film's creators offer such a facile and specious representation of marriage that one is left to wonder why anyone would marry in the first place. As one character says "the whole notion of happily ever after is an illusion." Well, that may be so in the storybook sense of the word, but a film like this should be able to teach us that to find your happy ending, it takes work. It's not as simple as remembering the good times and yelling about the bad times. Marriage isn't easy, but that's part of the bargain. Ben and Katie Jordan never seem to learn this, except in the most superficial, Hollywood manner.